Red flags in dating

Yeah, today we go and take a deep dive into the topic of dating and define some red flags, even though they don’t (yet) seem to be so red at all. Yes of course, there are red flags that are easy to identify. But there are others, way more subtle. Today we talk about how to notice these.

What are red flags?

Red flags are behavioral patterns that people adhere to that should alert you to question yourself if this is the relationship you really want to dedicate yourself to. Like if someone talks to you, but keeps watching the phone, or looks around in the room, don’t pay attention to what you say on the first date. Clearly, that person is not interested in you. These patterns can be just a sign of how this person is or, as hard as it might sound, they can be connected to you.

Some obvious red flags to avoid

Let’s quickly go over some red flags that show right at the beginning, when you meet someone new and are so close to the seventh sky, that it is hard to see through all these clouds…

• They talk about themselves all the time, including mentioning their ex over and over. This might be a sign they have no interest in you or simply haven’t found closure from their last relationship.
• They are always the victim of every situation that happened, although they did all they could. They were perfect, but everyone else failed them badly. Attention, this might be a clue for a narcissist.
• They flirt with others when they are with you. This one does not need explanation.
• They are not accountable to appointments, randomly or never text first, or let you wait forever for their answer. This is usually a clear sign that you are not a priority, but they don’t want to close the door yet.
• They seem too good to be true, and do so much, you feel like a royalty, even though you just met. Note: A relationship starts out slow. If someone showers you with texts, gifts and attention, this is not necessarily a good sign when you are not even officially in a relationship. It might be someone who is longing for a relationship so much, that they find all their happiness in the relationship because they didn’t yet find it for themselves.
• They always have excuses for not showing up. It’s ok to have an excuse when something happens, chances are, that is not the case 5 times in a row.

Let’s go deeper

Now let’s jump into the red flags that are not obvious, and therefore way more difficult to see. For example, when they try to pull your energy, making suggestions only to make their life easy. It’s normal, everyone wants their life to be easy. But especially when you meet someone new, both of you try to adapt a little bit to make space for this new person. Otherwise, it will be difficult to find time to see each other, right? Because you both had a life before, and there was not necessarily space for someone else, so what you do is: you shift things and make it possible.

And right here is a very common red flag: one person tries to make the other shift all their priorities and adapt to their plan. >> Let’s chat on this messenger << (even though you don’t have it on your phone). >> Let’s meet at this party, because I will be there (anyway) <<. And if you propose something, it will be difficult, because they have so little time. Unfortunately, the truth is: they are not ready for the relationship. And here, it does not matter if it is because they don’t like you enough, or they just want to see how far you go, or even if they are busy and have little time, the result is the same: they are not ready. Move on and find someone else.

But how to understand these little things?

There is a very simple way even for “beginners” to start a relationship off and succeed. You need to mind the balance between giving and taking. No matter if you are the one to make the first move, only make a second move if your opposite steps up to be equal with you. And that is especially true for subtle things like the above mentioned. If you agree to make someone’s life easy, make sure they return the favor next time. If they don’t, don’t move, meaning stop making their life easy. A relationship is about two people being happy. And if your opposite is not willing to make you happy, the responsibility to make yourself happy sticks with you. Love yourself enough to make sure you stay happy, even though you meet someone. There is no need to fight for love. Remember: you are perfect the way you are.

Here is a quick tip on how your self love reflects in relationships

Here is how it is to be in an awakened relationship