It all leads back to one point – and the point is YOU

It is obvious – the moment we were born, everything was about us. It had, to ensure that we will survive. But the funny fact is – whatever we did at that stage of our lives, it was right. Doing something wrong is impossible anyways, as what babies do is not really a conscious decision. But as a matter of fact, even though things that later in our lives at some stage will be rated as wrong, such as pooping if someone is around, as a baby, this is perfectly fine.

That changes drastically once we get a little older. We are being taught that this behavior is right, this is wrong, which is normal, as we are part of a social bond, family, society… But, in order to enforce us to use correct behavior, many times there are methods being used, that are not supportive of our self-esteem in later years of our lives. The very common ones like if you squint, your eyes get stuck. Or that there will be sunshine if you empty your plate. These examples are the light version, and we quite quickly figure them out to be not true. But there are others, that are critical because they are all based on the same pattern: fear.

So from the very early stage of our lives, we learn to avoid fear by being good, instead of being ourselves. In the early stages of our lives, this is the only chance we have, as we need to survive. Sticking to it later in our lives is optional. But in fact, this is what we do. We implement the concept of fear that much, that we do not stop at the point to adapt if other people scare us, we tend to grow a skill in doing it to ourselves, if something happens that hurts us, and in order to avoid this pain in the future, we keep the fear and stick to avoidance.

There is only one problem to the thing: the concept stops working once we are around other people. Because the real you, the real you that you are trying to suppress in order to fit in is constantly tickling your heart, your unconscious mind to release the restraints that you put on yourself and want to break free. Because it needs to, in order for you to be really happy. And to really make you understand what is going on, it searches people that trigger your flaws, to make you aware – hey, work on this.

Unfortunately, we also tend to develop a huge resistance to these triggers and point on others. And we can’t pretty much do anything about it until it’s time. It’s time that the pain is too huge for us to cope with. Until the moment we decide we want more. And only then is the moment when we are ready to take care of them and heal.

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Lots of Love,

Tina